If you don’t know what neurodivergent means it’s just someone whose brain processes information differently than most people. Things like ADHD, autism, OCD and Tourette’s are examples of this. It’s actually really common but so many people go undiagnosed. It’s not a terrible thing to have, it just makes regular things a little more difficult and annoying. My big sister has ADHD and she compares it to having squirrels in her head that make it difficult to concentrate. She works a full time job and is a small business owner too. Despite her ADHD, she still gets shit done even if it’s a little harder. It’s not a crippling disease and you don’t have to feel bad for people who suffer from this. As common as this may be, it is actually insane sometimes to learn that most peoples brains don’t operate on what neurodivergent people consider normal. Not everyone hears one hundred voices, not everyone is triggered by a lot of noises or struggles to concentrate. Most people are… normal.
My husband isn’t bothered by noise. The tv is on, the iPad is on max volume, he’s watching tik toks, the washing machine is on its final spin and he doesn’t notice. If there is more noise than what I need to concentrate on, I go crazy. If the TV is on while I’m watching tik toks and my son is on his iPad, I can tell you what’s happening on all 3. He doesn’t deal with food noise. He doesn’t have a voice in his head asking him constantly, “what we eating tho?”. My husband doesn’t have the hook of a song from 2003 stuck on a loop in his head while he’s trying to get work done. He doesn’t have 2345802436 thoughts running through his mind when he goes to sleep. Can you believe that this man just closes his eyes and … falls asleep? Just like that. I know, he’s insane. He doesn’t get anxiety about something that has a 1% chance of happening. When my son coughs, he doesn’t assume that he’s terminally ill and has 5 minutes to live. To me, that’s the real crazy. He’s able to tone things out that you don’t need to be focused on. The other crazy thing he does is he doesn’t obsessed about that embarrassing thing that happened 3 years ago… this guy is insane.
Neurodivergence isn’t a disease. I promise. It just makes days a little bit harder. You are trying to get shit done that needs to get done, it might just take you a little longer. You have to be more disciplined than most because if you aren’t strict with yourself, you won’t get it done. Even if you have to make a hundred to do lists, set reminders, create chore charts, whatever you need to help your brain feel more supported. However, sometimes your brain knows it has to do something, but it can’t figure out how to send the signal to your body that you need to get up. For some people, knowing you need to do something at a certain time can stop your entire day. You become paralyzed and even though you know you have to get up, the call to your body just is not coming thru. People will think you’re lazy when your body is just physically incapable. The anxiety that comes with, “if I do anything before what I have to do at 4pm, I’ll be late.” Adding everything to your calendar so you don’t miss a thing. Writing everything down the moment you think of it because you truly do not know when you will have that thought next. It’s not like you can’t live a regular life if you deal with this, it just makes days a little more tedious.
My husband understands and is patient and kind. He understands that our brains operate differently. He knows that if I get up to pee, I might not come back for 30 minutes because picking something up from the bathroom floor, prompted me to deep clean under the sink. He knows that if Im cleaning the bedroom and have to leave for any reason, I will start another task before I ever get back to what I was originally doing. My husband knows that some days as much as I want to get things done, I can’t get up, going from the bed to the couch took everything I had and I get sad even because I want to do things, but I can’t get up. It is also important to surround yourself with friends that get you, help you and support you through it too. Friends that understand that you stopped texting back because you got up to do something and completely forgot you had a message, but you texted back an hour later and apologized. Friends that remind you that you had to do that one thing you mentioned 5 hours ago that you never got done because you opened a tik tok they sent you and now you’ve been scrolling endlessly. You have to understand that your brain doesn’t function like everyone else’s and not everyone will understand that you think a little different and that’s okay because you allow yourself to be around the people who do get it.
There is nothing wrong with being neurodivergent. It’s not always crippling, it’s not always bad. Some of the most creative people have brains that work in mysterious ways. Your ideas are not any worse because sometimes they are all jumbled up in your mind. My big sister is a small business owner and she is becoming very successful. Her squirrels are her coworkers and although they are a little crazy sometimes, at the end of the day, the projects are done and the packages are shipped on time. I am a great writer, and sometimes I get upset because I have these great ideas that I forget to write down and just like that they are gone with the wind and sometimes I never get them back. All that is okay. It’s also okay to ask for help, get help, and ask for patience and understanding because your brain needs time. My husband isn’t neurodivergent but his wife is. The things that are “normal” to him, seem so far away to me. I also realized that the things that are normal for him, for so many others, it’s not. It is more common for me to meet someone, especially a woman, who has the same mumbo jumbo brain nonsense that I do. A lot of people go undiagnosed. For so many years people were told they just need to concentrate harder or pay attention. You weren’t focused enough that’s why you couldn’t get things done. Many times it’s dismissed as “you just have a lot on your mind.” The rage you feel when you are overstimulated with tasks and noises and things to do and people think you’re just PMSing or overthinking and maybe you should just relax… don’t you think I would relax if I could? Don’t you think relaxing is at the top of my to-do list but I can’t even concentrate long enough to finish an episode because my brain is constantly on a conference call. More than understanding neurodivergence you should probably not be an asshole to people whose brains work a little differently.
A Collection of Wavy Essays 