This year I turn 34. When I think back to the woman I was when I was in my 20s, besides immediately thinking what the heck was wrong with me, I also think about all the lessons I learned during those years. I was a party animal. Growing up in New York City it’s hard to miss that scene. Teen bashes had kids outside at a very young age. My mom did not play that so even though I was at every house party my friends had, my true party years didn’t start til I turned 18. I had a job so she allowed me to do whatever I wanted, in moderation. (Hispanic parents am I right?) I partied my ass off. I created an alter ego and all that just so that I could excuse my behavior everywhere I went. I wrote that blog, go read it. It was fun, but the lessons I had to learn along the way were far from that.
Never like the same boy as your friends. if your friend mentions any interest, he’s off limits. Trust me, even if you don’t stay friends in the long run, it’s just not worth the drama. There are boys everywhere. DJs and promoters are not celebrities and often times are losers outside of the club scene. There’s something about bottles and sparkles that truly activates something in a man on a Saturday night. Have your hoe phase early on. I think your hoe phase is something you have to get out the way. Whether to you it’s going on 10 dates with different guys, sleeping with 15 boys during your twenties, having multiple situationships, or sitting in a different section every weekend. Whatever a hoe phase is to you, do it early. You’ll never have that body again, it might get better, you might get thicker, but that body that you have right now, this is the only time you will have it. Enjoy it. Don’t try to be more grown than you already are. Stop saying you’re “mature for your age”. You’re not. Just allow yourself the stupidity.
I think my biggest advice for anybody in their twenties is, take what resonates but pocket what doesn’t make sense right now. Real adults will come to you and tell you how you’re living is wrong, you need to be more careful, you need to love yourself more, you’ll regret this. Some of it will be true. Some of the things they tell you will sit with you and you’ll start to make small changes, but somethings, you just don’t feel ready to change yet. That’s okay. Save that advice for later because when you’re ready to finally grow up, it will be useful and it will help guide you in adulthood. My sister used to tell me things in my twenties that didn’t make sense til… right now actually. There will always be someone who knows more than you even though you don’t want to hear it. Just hold on to it, you’re going to need it later on. You don’t have to take it as soon as its given. Your twenties are for messing up, they are for mistakes, they are for trial and error. I think your twenties is where you learn who you are, your likes, your dislikes, the type of person you want to be and who you want around you. Make those mistakes now.
Life doesn’t get any easier, your twenties seem to be the last bit of time you have left before it gets too serious. I made so many errors in my twenties, but I don’t regret them. They have helped mold me into who I’m becoming in my thirties. I learned the type of boys that I liked. I learned what I was good at. I learned what a toxic relationship is and what a loving one is. I learned that your big sister doesn’t need to understand to know what’s best for you. My time in my twenties is why I am so cool in my thirties. You have to have fun and give yourself grace. You are learning who you are. For your entire life up until this point, you were being guided and instructed. Your parents told you who to be, your teachers told you what to learn. As much as you tried to be yourself, most of your personality was built off the things you liked that you stole from your friends in grade school and that’s fine because they probably did the same. Then you turn 18, and for the most part nobody is controlling you anymore, you get to pick what you want to study, where you want to work, who you want to hang out with, where you want to go. All these decisions that up until this point were made for you. It’s okay, you are going to make a lot of bad choices, a lot. I promise, like you will not stop making bad choices for a while. But you will learn so much about the world and your place in it.
Your twenties will be your learning years. Your thirties are your years to apply everything you learned. Your forties are to enjoy the personality you built. Your 50s are to spend money and travel cause who cares them kids grown LOL. I had my son at 27. I tried to enjoy the rest of my twenties but your girl was sleepy. I made the best of friends in my twenties. I met the coolest people that I probably wouldn’t have had I not stumbled upon everything I did. It wasn’t easy, a lot of bad things happened too, sad things, dark things. I made friends who I thought would be president and are losers now. I met guys who I thought I would spend my life with then dumped after a week. I met the love of my life who I built a family with. It’s not all bad, but it is all lesson. Give yourself grace in your twenties, be kind to yourself, you’re new at this. I’m not saying the rest of your years you won’t continue to fuck up, but you’ll have a better handle on those situations if you learn what you can during these years. Be selfish, do whatever you want, live your life to the absolute fullest. You don’t have to have it together now or anytime soon. Change your major 100 times til you find something you really like. It’s okay to cut off friends that don’t fit the life you want to be living. Enjoy who you are because you’ll never be this person again. Find your “aesthetic”. Get to know who you are and begin to create the best version of you.
A Collection of Wavy Essays 