“Get Dressed, We Have Company.”

Trigger Warning: Creepy uncles, sexual abuse, child abuse.

I don’t understand why we keep letting men get away with this. This one is going to be for both men and women. The covering up of the creepy uncles, the pervy neighbors, the “he was drunk”. It’s so bad. As the secrets of my family have unfolded the entire month of January, I have realized just how bad men are protected in society. Statistics show that 93% of teens know their perpetrators and 34% of them are family members. Okay, now let’s talk about it. This means that in most families there is at least one creepy uncle. I have creepy uncles, and knowing this, it means that a bunch of other people in the family knew he was creepy too. So this 34%, let’s say about 20% knew the uncle was a problem and let him around the kids anyways.

My problem with women is the “put some clothes on because your uncle is coming over.” When you probably just had on shorts and a tank top because it was hot outside. The oversexualizing of young girls because they look grown or act grown is stupid as hell too. You go through puberty your teenage years, your body changes but you are still very much a child. It is not your responsibility to act different because men have no self control. Mothers, if you feel that your child needs to cover up because a man is coming over, that man shouldn’t come over. Someone touching your child because they are drunk, is not an excuse. Women protect men way too much and it’s the biggest problem. I feel like it’s a bigger problem than the creepy man himself.

Dominican culture has a terrible amount of creepy men who like young girls. I’ve seen it way too much. They find young girls who just started their period and they take her home and keep her for child bearing and housewife duties. These are children. A 14 year old girl, even if she is going through puberty, is a child. She should not be having sex with a 40 year old man and bearing his children. EW. However, for those of you who are not Dominican, the mothers usually allow this. The girl is “grown” and they do not want to, or cannot afford to take care of them anymore so they essentially give her away to a grown man who will take care of her in exchange for basically sex. That’s a common thing. The child bride epidemic in DR is so normalized that nobody at all sees anything wrong with it and instead they usually blame the girl for being “fast” or “too grown”. If you as a grown ass man are attracted to a little girl, you’re the problem.

Men, what is sexy about a little girl? How does it make you feel like more of a man when you like to touch or attracted to little girls? The innocence of a little girl is everything. Thinking that you can be anything in the world. Seeing all the careers Barbie has and knowing that you can be anything you want to be. To have an adult male take that from you as a child is the worst. Especially when it’s someone close to you who should’ve been protecting you. There is nothing sexy about a child. There is nothing a child has that should turn you on. You should never in your life look at a little girl and think anything other than I want to protect her.

Let’s run it back to the gross protection of creepy men. Creepy uncles and family friends. It doesn’t have to be rape for it to be sexual harassment. If you touch someone in a way that makes them uncomfortable, that’s SH. Forcing your child to say hello to a family member that they are clearly uncomfortable with should not be a punishment, it should be a conversation. Understanding that children don’t just feel discomfort for no reason. They are raised to know that adults are put in place to protect them so if a child fears an adult, you need to ask why. As an adult, ask yourself why you’re so pressed that a little kid isn’t saying hi to you. Family parties growing up were full of the “say hi” force. Yes, it is a sign of respect to say hello, and give “bendicion” but why did it have to be with hugs and kisses. Why wasn’t a wave or a “hi” enough. You can show respect without touch. Too many things were normalized growing up that shouldn’t have been. Sitting on your uncle’s lap, weird. Uncles in a rage because you didn’t want to say hello because soon as you walked in you locked eyes with your favorite cousin and you were ready to play. “He’s just like that when he’s drunk”, when your creepy uncle touched your hand and hugged you too much. Usually it’s just “well Dominican men are like that” and that narrative really fucked up a lot of girls today and y’all don’t even realize it.

We have to let girls be girls. We have to protect our girls in the ways a lot of us probably weren’t protected growing up. This doesn’t just apply to Dominicans, so many adult men hurt/abuse/discomfort the young girls in their family and nobody protects because men are just like that and girls need to be more careful on how they behave around them. It breaks my heart to see so many adult women come forward about all the pain they experienced as a little girl. It pains me to see the little girls in DR having children so young and becoming wives when they should be playing with dolls and making a mess out of their make up because their parents can’t afford them and a man offers to provide in exchange for sex and cleaning. Please protect girls, the girls in your family, the girls at your job, the younger girls who have nobody they can go to. The numbers are too high because we are protecting the men and blaming the children.