An Ode to Romyboattt.

The end of an era.

Romyboattt was special. She came about when I was 19 years old. I was a loser in high school and I refused to let my twenties be the same. I was so tired of being bullied, I promised myself life after school would be different and it was. I was introduced to a life and I never looked back. I made the best friends, I made the greatest memories. Some night were better than others but every night was one to remember. Everyone liked Romyboattt, I loved her. I was finally who I wanted to be. It wasn’t hard to keep up with that lie of a life. None of my new friends knew Rossy, they only knew Romyboattt. This blog is different than the others, it’s a goodbye letter. This one is about Romyboattt. Her amazing life that should have been a TV show. One of my greatest creations in life was her and I hope you loved Romyboattt as much as I did.

I went to summer school and that’s where I first met Romyboattt. None of the bullies went to summer school and I made some new friends. Oddly enough, I was actually cool. Summer school was filled with a bunch of rejects. They didn’t care about the clothes that I wore or what I looked like. That was different for me. I could be unapologetically myself and people were drawn to that. I was cool by just being me. Boys thought I was funny. Girls wanted to be my friend. It was everything I couldn’t achieve in grade school that somehow I figured out how to do in eight weeks. There were no bullies, there was no more being made fun of. I was finally cool! I worked at H&M and at that time it was one of the greatest clothing stores. I built my style, I learned how I liked to wear my hair, I started to walk differently and act cooler. Everyday Romyboattt would grow and Rossy would fade away. I didn’t care to rescue Rossy, I wanted to be rid of her. She was a loser and she ruined my life. Romyboattt was so cool. She was beautiful, funny, fearless, likable, resilient, smart, confident, cheerful and popular something Rossy never was.

I was well on my way to becoming this brand new person. Nothing else was missing, so I did. I became Romyboattt. I let people call me Ro, Romy, but never Rossy. I knew who I was. I was Romyboattt. She was an absolute masterpiece. Top tier perfection. Rossy was nonexistent. I kept up with it. I never lost focus, I never let Rossy come out to play. I kept this up for years.

As I got older,I realized that I gave her too much credit. I created this personality in hopes that people would like me and ignored all the amazing things Rossy was doing in the background. Rossy was in college. Rossy was creating a family in a loving relationship. Rossy was a published author. All of that was Rossy and I was so obsessed with being Romyboattt that I didn’t realize that Rossy was just fine.

Listen, i’m not insane. I don’t suffer from split personality or from being crazy. Creating the persona of romyboattt allowed me to ignore all the flaws Rossy had when all she needed was to find self love and grow up.

This is my open letter to someone I have carried with me for 14 years. Today I leave her behind. To save myself, my family and my years to come, I gotta let her go. I am grateful for the fun I had as romyboattt, I have stories that will last a lifetime because of it. I am forever indebted to that persona because it gave me some of my funnest memories but my best memories weren’t from her at all. They came from Rossy. I graduated college with a degree that says Rossy Gil on it. She put in the long hours and the hard work. I became a mother and the woman raising him is not the same woman who was in the club acting a damn fool. I met the love of my life who knew romyboattt but fell in love with Rossy. Will I miss her? Sure. But i’m not 20 anymore. I have to continue to grow up and accomplish things for Rossy.

Sometimes we get so caught up in life and fun that we don’t stop to realize that those “boring” moments at home with the family you created and the home you built, are the greatest things in the world. The pockets of peace that you can only find when you let the world around you slow down. Having a long day at work then coming home to the loves of your life. That is a life that Romyboattt was never going to give me. As im typing this im realizing how ridiculous everyone reading this must think I am but we all have a life that we create to get away from our reality, whether you choose to give it a cool nickname or not. Rossy worked overtime to create a reality I didn’t have to run from. I love the life I have now and with full transparency, I take it for granted a lot sometimes. I’m not grateful to myself for what i’ve done for me. I take advantage of the way a man can love me as Rossy, Romyboattt and everything in between. I don’t realize how beautiful and blessed my little family is because I had way too much disregard for all the work Rossy put in to get me here. I hated her for so long, I forget to thank her. My fiance is the most perfect human and in turn we created the most perfect kid, that was Rossy’s doing.

I don’t need to be Romyboattt anymore. I don’t need to live a life that my bullies will be jealous of. I don’t care what my bullies think (fuck them bitches tho). My life is amazing and I can’t keep overlooking that with this obsession to continue to be someone else.

So I say goodbye to Romyboattt today. I thank you for all that you helped me create, I thank you for allowing me to have fun while Rossy was getting shit done. I thank you for creating a space that allowed me to meet the man I have today. I swear im not crazy. I was just afraid to be myself. I refused to give Rossy any credit because she ruined my life all thru grade school but Rossy is a mom, a wife, a college graduate, a published author. All these amazing things I overlooked for years. Be yourself, somebody out there will love you for it. I want to teach my son that he doesn’t have to be anybody else for him to create a life that’s wavy as fuck. I plan to learn to be more grateful for my life. For the fiance I have who waited patiently for me to figure it out. For my son who every day shows me to just be and forget everything else. I can’t wait to fully love as Rossy. For my new friends to meet her and not romyboattt. I love her, but I don’t need to be her anymore. At my lowest, when I wanted to die every waking moment and tried to, Rossy saved me so it’s not fair to her to keep pretending to be someone else. I traded club dance floors for kitchen dance parties and I wouldn’t have it any other way.